Pros and drawbacks of studying MBBS

Stealing some time off from studying to write this post because lately I've seen and felt so much during my journey of pursuing MBBS. 

PROS OF STUDYING MBBS 

1. It's no doubt a noble job. What's more loving than healing a complete stranger (most of the time) that will later become friends after you've talked to them via history taking / simply caring for them? You don't expect anything in return really, because you hardly knew them before they came in to seek for medical attention. 

2. It's a satisfying job. (At least until we've passed the student and houseman period where we're treated like nobody) how do you not feel satisfied when you know you've made the right decision and more importantly giving the right treatment to make someone feel well again? 

3. Not everybody has the opportunity to study MBBS. To be honest I would not trade anything for it. Yes, I would love to travel around the world like my fellow friends do when they study abroad. Yes, I would love to start earning thousands of ringgit by investing or starting my own business. Yes, I would also love to live a life nurturing my hobbies. But deep down I know that studying MBBS is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Traveling around is good but I know that MBBS is worth it. It's already the most expensive course in local universities, not to mention the longest duration. I could've done business or law or any other course abroad but would I be as satisfied? Nope, not for me. I do not mind trading few years of travelling in my 20's which I can make it up sooner or later when I start working. I also do not want to be a spoilt brat to burden my parents by studying medicine overseas; the course fees, daily expenses and accommodation are able to kill you. Studying abroad definitely gives you a confidence boost (and a reason to show off to your friends) but I would rather be financially stable myself and perhaps get a master degree overseas which would be far more meaningful. (Have you seen any patient who come into the clinics asking which uni you graduated from? Because I don't remember myself or my family asking that in 22 years haha) 

4. I mentioned that I'll be able to make up the travels and master course late on, why? Because being a doctor gives you a head start in your career. You earn a little higher than other jobs, with a good finance management you'd be able to save up a lot for your life commitments in a short time. So why would I consider travelling while having the study stress, financial constraints and knowing that I'm only there to prioritise my studies when I know I can travel without worries later on? :) 

5. It's never a boring job as you get to see different cases every single day. Would I be stuck with computer work all day? Nope. Would I be balancing accounts every day? Nope. Would I even be stuck with only thyroid patients all day? Not likely. Because there's just no predictable time for these diseases. 

DRAWBACKS OF STUDYING MBBS (at least in Malaysia) 

1. I say drawback because in my opinion, there's really no disadvantage to study MBBS. By drawbacks I mean external factors like the people, the training hospitals and the timings. (But mostly the people as they cause all these, lol) 

2. So, the people. What's the problem with them? I was surprised that the most passionate and caring ppl I've encountered are not from healthcare services. Before entering MBBS I expected to meet people who are FARRR more gentle and caring and selfless than anyone I've met or even myself. I don't self-proclaim that I'm super caring and selfless but I would probably be in the average category. But reality? Most of the students are really below average in this aspect. From little things, they can complain about every single matter without thinking deeply into it from different perspectives, basically all they think is themselves perhaps. They can hog onto anything at all and not let others have the chance even if it means they're not going to utilize it. They can break the rules even if it's in hospitals with the reason "we pay so much for MBBS". They can also be extremely irresponsible and you'll never feel like you wanna rely on them, ever. Some bunk classes, some try to outsmart everyone including professors by finding loopholes in the system. But are medical students expected to do all these? Nope. Put your brains to better use pls. 

3. The people, again. As we all know that Malaysia is flooded with medical students. Each training hospital has to accommodate...3-4 universities? That already sounds crowded and unbearable (Oh trust me, it IS). We could actually make things a little bearable by being more logical and tolerable... But nope. It's competitive as hell together with no common sense and self-centered creatures. For twice in a month, I've been wanting to watch procedures but someone would definitely snatch the opportunity- by hogging and running after the patient into the OT even though they KNOW others also want to watch. The OT allows only 2 students at any one time mind you, so their resolution is to RUN faster than you, literally. Compared to having communication skills and ASK if you also want to watch and see how both parties can compensate. But nope. They'd rather keep quiet and prepare to win the run instead. 😂

For the first time I've talked to the two students and ask if they also want to watch and told them off that we've already asked for permission from the person in charge. But the second time I wanted to watch if the girl would do the same as I would, but nope. She was chatting competitively with her classmate and went all "oh shit" and giving us faces knowing we also want to watch, and they come from T*****'*. So... Do they think that they're more superior because their uni is seemingly more established? Or do they assume that the situation would be different if we were to be put in the same examination without showing where we are from? I acknowledge that not all students behave that way but pls, make the learning hospital a more bearable place by adjusting your attitude. Nobody cares if you show it in your household, but not in our future workplace. 

So, for the people part, how would you feel if you know that all of them are potentially your future colleagues? 

4. The training hospital... Some staff are EXTREMELY nice and willing to teach even though they're not paid extra. But some are not even happy seeing your presence. Worst still, some housemen are mean to the medical students. I understand that we are annoying and always bugging to see procedures or asking for signatures, but you were in the same shoes not long ago. Just because you're a step further doesn't give you the rights to look down on us tbh. On the other hand, some of them understand fully and will find cases for us to practice blood taking or other simple procedures, sign for us or even teach us (God bless them really). It would really make my day to meet a nice staff, and it doesn't cost anything to be nice honestly. 😊

Indifference

Some people say the opposite of love is hate. 

But is it really? 

I feel the opposite of love is indifference and ignorance. 

If you still hate someone that means that certain person still has power over your emotions. When you come to a state where you no longer care and all that the person does has no power to influence your emotions at all, that's when you stopped caring. And that's the worst state for that person, it means he/she has totally lost you. 

But it's a fresh beginning for you, you've finally set yourself free. And everyone deserves to be set free. 

Late night thoughts

Is relationship really what it's showing on social medias? 

The expensive, branded gifts, bouquets of flowers and joint family outings. The smiles and never the tears. 

I personally think with good moments comes ugly reality. There's nothing quite like a "perfect relationship". In a successful relationship, the good outweighs the ugly moments. 

When you love someone, you become vulnerable. Even the most independent individual succumbs to the dependence because, well, everyone wants to be loved and pampered. You give your heart to your significant other and hoping that they'd treat it with care in every move they take only to get yourself disappointed in the end. 

It's especially hard for an independent person cause there's nothing more difficult than saying "I need help". But when they're in a relationship, of course they'd expect you to help since you're the closest person to them.

Here comes the ugly truth, how many people are willing to help INCLUDING your other half? There are times that they can't help due to various reasons and at times it could be unacceptable in your eyes. But what are you supposed to do? Force them to help? You're left with no choice but to depend on yourself again. 

So, my question is, since you're gonna depend on yourself again, why do you need a partner? 

Suddenly, all the freedom living alone vanishes. Relationships are full of sacrifices, disappointments, the tears THEN only the rainbow. 

Would you choose love over independence? 

💔

Be with someone that secretly figures out your hidden Tumblr account and bothers to go through it every single morning just to know how you feel, and would give you a call or sweet message when he finds out you've been feeling blue through the Tumblr posts. 

Be with someone who messages you first thing in the morning like you would. Someone that thinks of you first thing in the morning and last thing at night. 

Be with someone that surprises you with the little things in life although it may not be expensive, but simple gestures just because. Be with someone who loves you as much as you do or beyond. 

Be with someone who knows you in silence. Be with someone that can read you through your emotions, someone who wipes off your tears and vows to never be the reason of your tears again. 

Be with someone who keeps their promises. Be with someone who would never repeat their mistakes. 

Ability

Few years ago when I was still a teen, I wished to grow up sooner. Few years later, I still wish for the ability to get all the negative influence out of my life. ALL. Every each one of them. I know in a few years time I will be able to. So I guess perseverance is really a virtue. 

As cliche as it sounds, but I don't think anyone fully understands. And no one really bothers to tear down all the walls to get to it either.

 

Living life on a fast track

Lately I feel that... Life is flashing so fast right in front of my eyes. 

When I first entered year 1, I volunteered to be the class representative. Thinking I could be the change I wished to see (hopefully I did) and not knowing or expecting what could come next. Of course there were ups and downs which I'm so proud of myself for overcoming all of those, if not I wouldn't be where I am today (and I still strive to improve ). There were conflicts and backstab but looking back, it doesn't matter even the slightest anymore. If anything I would like to grab a popcorn looking at the flashback if I had to and watch it like a comedy. 

3 months before Year 2 I was nominated to join the SRC (Student Representatitve Council) and MedSoc, I'm so grateful where I ended up and can't thank God enough for all the lessons learnt and priceless experience. From there, I started knowing a lot more people from different walks of life, faculties and people of all sorts of personalities. I started to gain a lot more understanding and patience dealing with them. I also learnt to adapt to busy life like rushing to 2 meetings on the same day after a long day of classes from 8am-4pm (sometimes even right after exam), months of event planning, preparations before event after classes, or even organizing an event via email during my meal time. Busy but contented I would say. I love it because I know I'm living life with a purpose; to serve and to pursue my dream. 

Beside, I love the opportunities that MAHSA Helping Hands grant me with. Volunteering has always been near to my heart but I've stopped volunteering at Make-A-Wish Malaysia ever since I've joined MBBS due to my hectic schedule. But being in the Helping Hands family gives me the greatest chance of volunteering at all different organizations which scheduled perfectly according to our holidays and free time. This makes me feel as if everything is perfectly planned out for me. 

Moving on from university life, my family has been more understanding and silently provides me with the space I need to grow. Personally, I'm not the type of person where I love being controlled. I hate boundaries. I hate it when I'm trapped in a cage. So, freedom and space are the things I need most for growth. I'm so sorry that it seems like I'm falling out of track, but I would ensure anyone that I'm not. It's just that I've realised it's so important to spend time with my friends. I've always been a loner to be honest, I've always had the insecurity that anyone could backstab me so perhaps it's better to stay on the outside while everyone else is having fun being in the circle of friendship. But I believe I've found the right friends and I can't be happier being out with them. I can't thank them enough of how we click and how many common interests we share. 

All in all, I've learnt so much in just a span of few months and still have soooo much to learn along this journey. 😊

Family

One of the sweetest things I've heard so far, is when you said you'd hang around me for a long time. :') 

I know we constantly fight which most of the times would end up in laughter, at times you also get on my nerves like seriously. :O 

But undeniably I love you soooo much. Thanks for everything, from taking care of me to keeping me on track so I don't mix with bad influence, from cooking delicious food to understanding what I'm talking bout with food in my mouth :p nobody can tolerate me the way you do. Nobody in my life would ever take my manja-ness and laziness like you do. 

You're my inspiration when it comes to bravery. You're so strong I wish I inherited half of your strength when facing difficulty, which at this point I'm very sure I don't just yet. I'm so afraid of pain, sickness and losing my loved ones. I remembered how you braved through the tough times we experienced when grandpa passed away. It took me so long to get over it, I'm sure it was doubled for you. Traumatized; but you didn't cry as much as I did. You didn't mourn every single day. I remember when you were sick, we were too afraid of losing you but you told us to be strong instead. And when I was ill, you told me not to cry as it'd be alright. Thanks for showing me how to be strong. Maybe it comes with age but I just wanna tell you that you inspired me to stand tall on my feet and never, never back down. 

You're the reason I wanna come home (although sometimes otherwise when my ego takes over). Sure, I know that one of the reasons I don't study outstation is that I'm still attached to my family very much, but this is also why I look forward to come home. I look forward to see you. I love the fact that I still have the chance to learn how to appreciate you (slowly but surely). Nevertheless, thanks for appreciating the little things I can do for you; like baking a cake on your birthday or helping out at home when you needed etc. I would love to double the things I'm able to do just for you. 

You're just like my mommy, you've never left my side even for a day, or half a day. You're always the one who asks how am I feeling whenever I'm sick. I'm so sorry that most of the time I'm not even half as caring. 

To be honest ever since grandpa passed away, I've been thinking bout death every single day. As in, I constantly ask myself what would I do if anyone in my life right now is gone suddenly. And thanks for saying that you'd hang around me for a long time because I needed to hear it badly. I need you to be around until I'm successful, until I'm able to support the family like how dad does, until I can afford to get my own properties and let you call it home. 

One day, I wanna be able to show you the person you've molded me into (in our definition of successful), and repay all the greatness and light you've shone in my life. 

Please be healthy and stay with me for the longest time. <3 

#thoughtpost

Stealing sometime from retrieving my life opps, I meant to say files. Exam in a weeks time, but then again in which week we don't have some sort of assessment or exam or tutorial or practical? Haha.

According to chronology, I'm in Year 2 MBBS now. How time flies right. And what happened within a good year? Let's see.

1. I've learnt who are my true friends.
   We were just talking bout how lucky we are not having to go through other groups just to find our niche. Surely there were ups and downs, downpour was so heartbreaking but it taught me A LOT. It thought me to trust people appropriately; if you ever know some 'friends' are toxic, then discard them. It may sound heartless or whatnot, but trust me, you'd thank me if you do that after reading this. It could save you from helluva trouble. On the other hand, please be very thankful to those who are there for you, because I've learnt that it's not their job to be there for you, it's their CHOICE. Someone made a decision to stick with you through your ugliest times, wipe your tears and they might even knock some sense into your thick skull forcefully, but they're the realest people of all.

2. Always love like Augustus Waters exists.
lol at the title though but anyway! Yes, always trust love. Always love deeply. Always love like you've never been hurt before. We are practically still young no matter how 'old' we feel because afterall, medical students don't have much "life" in others' eyes. But that's not entirely true, because 'fun' is a very subjective thing. Nobody has ever set the rules saying clubbing is the only fun thing. So... love deeply while you're still young. Make sure you've no regrets.

3. The more people you meet, the more secrets you dig.
Wow that kinda rhymes. This world...is corrupted. No doubt. Every corner you turn, there's backstabber, there's pretender, there's evil but there's also angels. Take on the world with wide eyes, look carefully. Listen to people's stories and analyse it yourself. See things for yourself too and not to believe in each story fully until you witness it with your eyes (well, not applicable for some stuff). I mean, seeing is believing right?

One of the things I've realised is that you should never be anybody's shadow, following them. Surely, there are people who wants the best for you; leading you along the way, shaping you into the person they'd love to see. But you could only use the advice, improvise and assimilate it into the things you're passionate about, because they're not you and it's not right wanting to change a person into someone you WANT. 

Stuck in reverse?

There's no point pulling anyone down, because the only thing that would happen is that they will find a way to get back up and soar higher. No one will stay on the ground forever. 

Just like an arrow can only be pulled backward, people are gonna be stronger and venture into something GREATER. 

Likewise for making someone sad. Once the person had a taste of sadness, happiness comes twofold better. The person would've learnt to appreciate happiness because sadness wasn't easy to endure, but during the downfall, the lesson learnt was priceless. 

There's really no point, so give it up. 

Reality

It's not that I'm not aware of finding ways to survive, but if we only live once, would you wanna be fooling yourself? 

I can survive in my own ways. I can say "I did it with my own hardwork" anytime, and that's what matters to me. :) 

How about you? 

You're your own enemy

Lately I've been thinking what are the pressors for low self esteem... 

Is it jealousy? Judgement? Any form of assessment? 

Or could it be... yourself? 

The latter is my personal answer. 

The reasons being, 

1. I noticed I would always shrug off compliments such as "you're smart", "don't worry, you can definitely do it because you're Yi Sin." Even though my grades are shown through assessments,but they don't usually boost my esteem TOO much. (Though it does sometimes but I really don't wanna let it get to my head) 

2. Since young I've been provided with all the basic necessities and there isn't much for me to feel jealous of. Though there's different degree of how much people deserve what they get, I don't think jealousy affects me much. (If you talk about spoilt brats then it's a totally different story. Haha) 

3. Judgement. The world is so full of it that makes me sick. To be honest, I only care about lecturers' (or teachers back then) comments because they're mostly constructive and help me grow to be better, instead of those noises trying to sound like they know you. What I can say is, 90% of what people think is, you are not good enough. 

I think we are our own devil and angel because... Simply put, you know yourself best. Even if you hear bad remarks which are meant to bring you down, it won't affect you if you let it slide, because you know it's not true! 

We all have an angel and a devil inside us... Whichever wins, is the one we feed. 

Till then! 

What are you chasing for?

I'm guessing Med school really does help me grow into a more mature person. I'm in sem 2 now and it wasn't exactly easy to get here, just like everything else, nothing is easy. That said, it's not the toughest task either.

I've lost a couple of friends (high school or uni), but that made me stronger. At the very least, I've learnt to not bend over for people who wouldn't do as much for me. Of course I did sit down and think about things such as 

1. Will they do the same for me if I were the one needing help? 

2. How sure am I that the same incident wouldn't happen again? After all, leopard never changes its spot. 

3. If they were real friends, why would they backstab / use / ditch me when they found new friends? 

*if the answers are positive, proceed to confrontation. 

However, most of the time, it made me see through their motives from the past, and I gave up for the better. 

I turned 20 this year, and the most important I realised was that, 

The older you become, the lesser friends celebrate with you, but cherish those friends because they are the ones who would stick with you through it all. I've had ex-best friends who didn't even bother to wish 'happy birthday'. I wasn't dying for it, but I'm grateful how much these little things make me see how much I meant to them, so I could get them out before I've fallen too deep or gotten too affected by it.

With all this, I'm not saying I'm the best friend ever, but I do try to be in my own ways. 

I make sure I'm always here for friends who need help in ways I'm able to assist them. I can be all ears but I'm barely the one that would start talking often, at times I do feel like a nuisance for 'annoying' people. 

Another issue is that, what am I exactly chasing for? 

Fame? Status? Superficial goods? Popularity? 

A future I've always dreamt of? To be able to reach out to the needy? 

Latter sounds closer to my heart. 

All in all, I'm sick of people who only look for shortcuts and not putting in enough effort for their own good. 

Do you...?

Do you still remember the first time you saw him, he wore that suit which you swoon over? 

Do you still remember how you thought that you and him would never be an item? 

Fret not, reality always has a way to turn things around. So be careful what you wish for because you might just get it. 

One day you guys will become the couple everybody else envies, you'll realize he is an angel sent from Heaven to take care of you and to show that you need not to be perfect to suit anyone in a relationship. You will always have butterflies in your stomach just like how you feel when you read a fairy tale. You will be treated like a princess like you never did before. You will be in love. 

Then, one day will become someday. 

Just like every other thing, you both will end, unexpectedly. You will never quite understand the reason. You will cry your heart out trying to find out what went wrong, but you will never be able to, because nothing was wrong. That person simply doesn't belong to you. You will finally learn that fairytales don't exist no matter what. You will fall from 10 feet off the ground because he was your rope. You will feel like you've been drained so low like it's hell. You will feel worthless and imperfect in every way possible. And him? He would just move on like everyone else. He would forget about you, forget about how much you care about him and things surround him, forget his promises because it only valid the moment he said it, forget that he wanted to stay friends with you. 

But you'd be dim enough to keep your promises, you'd feel bad about promising that you would always love him till the end of time (probably part of you still does), feel like you betray him if you don't keep in touch, feel like you aren't good enough for him and that's the reason why you guys ain't together. 

Finally, you will wish him abundance of love in his next relationship, with someone whom he deserves more; someone prettier, wiser and more generous. And you would bottle your feelings up and never open up to anyone ever again. Never again. 

heaven gained an angel

I still remember form 1 as the funnest year throughout my whole high school life. It was before all the drama began, finding out who your true friends were before proceeding to face more obstacles.

I still remember being talked into joining marching team and I don't regret a tad bit of it.

I still remember spending my evening for marching practice and we eventually became close knit. During my senior year, guess what? Driving our sports house to a better level became my aim too, so I became the secretary.

If it's anything, you were one of the seniors that made us feel welcomed to a new environment we just entered and we can't thank you more, commander.

You were definitely witty, charming, sporty and ambitious.

Last year you talked to me via Facebook when I changed my profile photo and it was a nice catch up. You told me about how much you love the place you live in and pursuing dream now and urged me to join you, you told me about your passion and new liking in super bikes, hot girls (lol) and wanting an outing with your juniors just like good ol' times, which never happened.

If we ever met, I would give you a hug just like I did 6 years ago. If we ever hugged, I wouldn't have known it would be our last.

RIP Navin, we will miss you.

Photoshoot with Kat

Well, the title says it all, enjoy the pics! :) 

"Last 7 days to save the semester"

Sorry about the title but it fits in so well. Haha! 

Here I am stealing some time to 'document' the start of my study break! Reminiscing I've entered and surviving MBBS for about half a year, I consider myself lucky for that. 

I didn't fail any of the exams though my scores ain't the brightest of all, but that's okay. It gives me a target to challenge myself. Like what people say, If there's one enemy, it's yourself. 

Besides, I've been around de-stressing by outings and food hunt and just take time to enjoy life. 

Since January in squares : 

     My CNY dress! :) ...and my long arm 

                Studying at Garden! 

Never before posted photos of us at Fong Lye! <3 love these photos! 

Pre-exam destress at Dip n Dip. Chocolate fondant with vanilla ice cream! 

Exam day which we were all in the CNY mood. 

Pure life experience :) will save this post for somewhen else ;) 

Till after ESX! :) 

Independence

This is especially for those who are independent and a little detached; 

Have you ever wished that you were less independent so that it gave others and yourself a chance to do things together, so that you won't be easily forgotten by anyone? 

A tribute to Cory Monteith

Alright, he'd passed away for a week now and I figured maybe I should write a tribute for an actor I actually fangirl-ed about. Here's to a little closure.  

I'm not going to lie but I was never a hardcore Glee or Cory Monteith fan. BUT, he was my favourite character in Glee. When I first started watching Glee, I didn't like the girls so much because they're just so different than what we are here on the other corner of the world. Finn Hudson's always been down-to-earth. He made dumb mistakes but we know that we all do! He's open to his vulnerability, he knows that his life is a mess but makes active decisions to change it all around. Finn is a mere reflection of himself in real life. That's why I love Finn, he's real.

What saddens me the most is Monchele. A romance between Cory Monteith and Lea Michele. 

(Not sure if it's just a coincidence but Cory's last on screen credit shows Lea sitting all alone) 

Let's face it, not every Hollywood couple are loyal to each other; many have broken up, many others have affairs and perhaps cheat on their partner. If you notice entertainment news like E! would address them as "long-time couple" even though they've (only) dated for a year. In Marie Claire interview, Lea honestly told that there is no one else who knows her more than Cory. He's been the net underneath her that would catch her if she falls, and that allows her to jump higher and go farther. He makes her feel like she can do anything in the world. Now, that's real love. It's a perfect mirror for you to reflect if you know what true love is.

Maybe many of you may say he brought it onto himself, but I don't blame him really. He came from a broken family, his father and him reunited 17 years after his parents divorced. Since 13, he started taking drugs and been battling demons for nearly 2 decades. He checked himself in to rehab but it just didn't work. He worked hard and always appeared healthy and cheerful on screen. Didn't he try hard enough? Let's face it, this is life. Things won't always go our way.

He was a high school dropout, drug addict, worked as a cab driver, stole money to get drugs until one day, someone said to him "maybe you should become an actor!", and boom! His life changed. He made a name for himself, did charity work and gave inspiring quotes to save people's lives.

Now, isn't that something?

Have some respect, because I know I do.

RIP Cory Monteith. You've been an awesome person. I hope you look down on Lea.