You're your own enemy

Lately I've been thinking what are the pressors for low self esteem... 

Is it jealousy? Judgement? Any form of assessment? 

Or could it be... yourself? 

The latter is my personal answer. 

The reasons being, 

1. I noticed I would always shrug off compliments such as "you're smart", "don't worry, you can definitely do it because you're Yi Sin." Even though my grades are shown through assessments,but they don't usually boost my esteem TOO much. (Though it does sometimes but I really don't wanna let it get to my head) 

2. Since young I've been provided with all the basic necessities and there isn't much for me to feel jealous of. Though there's different degree of how much people deserve what they get, I don't think jealousy affects me much. (If you talk about spoilt brats then it's a totally different story. Haha) 

3. Judgement. The world is so full of it that makes me sick. To be honest, I only care about lecturers' (or teachers back then) comments because they're mostly constructive and help me grow to be better, instead of those noises trying to sound like they know you. What I can say is, 90% of what people think is, you are not good enough. 

I think we are our own devil and angel because... Simply put, you know yourself best. Even if you hear bad remarks which are meant to bring you down, it won't affect you if you let it slide, because you know it's not true! 

We all have an angel and a devil inside us... Whichever wins, is the one we feed. 

Till then! 

What are you chasing for?

I'm guessing Med school really does help me grow into a more mature person. I'm in sem 2 now and it wasn't exactly easy to get here, just like everything else, nothing is easy. That said, it's not the toughest task either.

I've lost a couple of friends (high school or uni), but that made me stronger. At the very least, I've learnt to not bend over for people who wouldn't do as much for me. Of course I did sit down and think about things such as 

1. Will they do the same for me if I were the one needing help? 

2. How sure am I that the same incident wouldn't happen again? After all, leopard never changes its spot. 

3. If they were real friends, why would they backstab / use / ditch me when they found new friends? 

*if the answers are positive, proceed to confrontation. 

However, most of the time, it made me see through their motives from the past, and I gave up for the better. 

I turned 20 this year, and the most important I realised was that, 

The older you become, the lesser friends celebrate with you, but cherish those friends because they are the ones who would stick with you through it all. I've had ex-best friends who didn't even bother to wish 'happy birthday'. I wasn't dying for it, but I'm grateful how much these little things make me see how much I meant to them, so I could get them out before I've fallen too deep or gotten too affected by it.

With all this, I'm not saying I'm the best friend ever, but I do try to be in my own ways. 

I make sure I'm always here for friends who need help in ways I'm able to assist them. I can be all ears but I'm barely the one that would start talking often, at times I do feel like a nuisance for 'annoying' people. 

Another issue is that, what am I exactly chasing for? 

Fame? Status? Superficial goods? Popularity? 

A future I've always dreamt of? To be able to reach out to the needy? 

Latter sounds closer to my heart. 

All in all, I'm sick of people who only look for shortcuts and not putting in enough effort for their own good. 

Do you...?

Do you still remember the first time you saw him, he wore that suit which you swoon over? 

Do you still remember how you thought that you and him would never be an item? 

Fret not, reality always has a way to turn things around. So be careful what you wish for because you might just get it. 

One day you guys will become the couple everybody else envies, you'll realize he is an angel sent from Heaven to take care of you and to show that you need not to be perfect to suit anyone in a relationship. You will always have butterflies in your stomach just like how you feel when you read a fairy tale. You will be treated like a princess like you never did before. You will be in love. 

Then, one day will become someday. 

Just like every other thing, you both will end, unexpectedly. You will never quite understand the reason. You will cry your heart out trying to find out what went wrong, but you will never be able to, because nothing was wrong. That person simply doesn't belong to you. You will finally learn that fairytales don't exist no matter what. You will fall from 10 feet off the ground because he was your rope. You will feel like you've been drained so low like it's hell. You will feel worthless and imperfect in every way possible. And him? He would just move on like everyone else. He would forget about you, forget about how much you care about him and things surround him, forget his promises because it only valid the moment he said it, forget that he wanted to stay friends with you. 

But you'd be dim enough to keep your promises, you'd feel bad about promising that you would always love him till the end of time (probably part of you still does), feel like you betray him if you don't keep in touch, feel like you aren't good enough for him and that's the reason why you guys ain't together. 

Finally, you will wish him abundance of love in his next relationship, with someone whom he deserves more; someone prettier, wiser and more generous. And you would bottle your feelings up and never open up to anyone ever again. Never again. 

heaven gained an angel

I still remember form 1 as the funnest year throughout my whole high school life. It was before all the drama began, finding out who your true friends were before proceeding to face more obstacles.

I still remember being talked into joining marching team and I don't regret a tad bit of it.

I still remember spending my evening for marching practice and we eventually became close knit. During my senior year, guess what? Driving our sports house to a better level became my aim too, so I became the secretary.

If it's anything, you were one of the seniors that made us feel welcomed to a new environment we just entered and we can't thank you more, commander.

You were definitely witty, charming, sporty and ambitious.

Last year you talked to me via Facebook when I changed my profile photo and it was a nice catch up. You told me about how much you love the place you live in and pursuing dream now and urged me to join you, you told me about your passion and new liking in super bikes, hot girls (lol) and wanting an outing with your juniors just like good ol' times, which never happened.

If we ever met, I would give you a hug just like I did 6 years ago. If we ever hugged, I wouldn't have known it would be our last.

RIP Navin, we will miss you.

Photoshoot with Kat

Well, the title says it all, enjoy the pics! :) 

"Last 7 days to save the semester"

Sorry about the title but it fits in so well. Haha! 

Here I am stealing some time to 'document' the start of my study break! Reminiscing I've entered and surviving MBBS for about half a year, I consider myself lucky for that. 

I didn't fail any of the exams though my scores ain't the brightest of all, but that's okay. It gives me a target to challenge myself. Like what people say, If there's one enemy, it's yourself. 

Besides, I've been around de-stressing by outings and food hunt and just take time to enjoy life. 

Since January in squares : 

     My CNY dress! :) ...and my long arm 

                Studying at Garden! 

Never before posted photos of us at Fong Lye! <3 love these photos! 

Pre-exam destress at Dip n Dip. Chocolate fondant with vanilla ice cream! 

Exam day which we were all in the CNY mood. 

Pure life experience :) will save this post for somewhen else ;) 

Till after ESX! :) 

Independence

This is especially for those who are independent and a little detached; 

Have you ever wished that you were less independent so that it gave others and yourself a chance to do things together, so that you won't be easily forgotten by anyone?